Celtic Sayings
What America spends on the military in only one year would literally feed the world's poor for a century.
My father's O'Connor Clan is descended from Erin's final dynasty of Kings and I am actually an Irish Prince, but since America doesn't recognize royalty I don't call myself His Royal Highness unless I'm in court.
My mother prayed I'd become a Priest until I discovered the girls at Murphy's then she simply prayed there wouldn't be any sudden weddings.
My first summer out of high school I worked as a mason. Lugging cinder blocks while drinking a bottle of bourbon a day made me ready for rehab.
The Sisters of the Sorrowful Mother ran my rehab. Turning drunks into monks was the perpetual passion of the mothers of misery.
My Confirmation name is Seamus and my family will attest I have often managed to do just that.
The Church teaches Mary ascended into heaven without seeing death but many Theologians say this is an Assumption.
The name Mary means Rebellion and two things all Irishmen love are the Blessed Virgin and a bloody rebellion in he honor.
Hell is full of penny-pinching Protestant Pastors pleading with Mary to send them to Purgatory.
I usually quit drinking for Lent reserving Saint Patrick's Day as a Holy Day of Obligation.
I'm glad I go to AA. I used to start drinking at noon and now I don't start till nine at night.
The beauty of the Irish is God makes us no promises and we love him anyway.
Catholicism has truly changed. In my Grandfather's day a hot dog on Friday would send you to hell. For my Dad it was being caught with a condom. But now whenever I go to confession no matter how bad I've been the Priest is sympathetic and the penance is light.
Irishmen are but boys full of shenanigans, Begorra, blarney, and malarkey.
Shenanigans are those things you should probably go to confession for but enjoy too much to give up.
Saint Thomas Aquinas was the medieval Theologian who proved God created the Irish so Mary would have boys to pray for.
The happiest days in an Irishman's life are the day of his wedding and the day of his wake.
Being an Irish Priest is a fine career - you spend your mornings in Mass, your days in quiet contemplation, and your evenings in AA.
A Priest who has kept his vows has a look of subtle suffering whose absence is always easy to spot.
A true Irishman believes in fairies and pixies, leprechauns and banshees, all the angels and saints, the Blessed Virgin and the IRA.
The Scripture says our Lord miraculously made eighty gallons of wine for a Jewish wedding. If he had miraculously made eighty gallons of whiskey for an Irish wedding we would have declared him God on the spot.
At a Jewish wedding the groom breaks a class during the ceremony - with the Irish it's usually someone's nose.
A young Latina asked Father Pog how could she become a Saint. He sighed and told her to just marry and Irishman.
My Grandparent's were all Irish Republicans but became Democrats when they came to this country.
If Jesus had gotten a good Jewish lawyer Pilate probably would have given him probation.
Jesus had an Irish disciple named Nick O'Deamus.
Irish Catholics believe in the Rapture - every Protestant suddenly disappearing - we call it the Blessed Hope.
Englishmen believe they're descended from monkeys while Irishmen believe they are created by God. They're probably right.
When a good Irishman dies he goes directly to Paradise. We've been calling the place Purgatory for centuries in order to keep the Protestants out.
A good reason to be friendly with your Parish Priest is so that when you need Last Rights he'll throw in a Plenary Indulgence as well.
Whiskey has the power to raise the dead. Legend has it Mary left a jug of dew in the tomb and that's the reason for the resurrection.
Bury me in Kerry beneath a simple stone, with some whiskey and a rosary, for Erin is my home.
Mary, when I'm at my wake I pray the first thing I see when I open my eyes are yours.
I decided to become a Philosopher instead of a Theologian because I wanted to be my own boss.
It is very hard for a Philosopher to change his own presuppositions and for a Theologian it is nearly impossible.
The difference between men and women is this - men think, women know.
You don't know how much you don't know until you know you don't know even what you know you know.
To determine if something is sinful just ask yourself how pleasurable it is.
Sometimes I consider giving up drinking but then the hangover passes and I begin thinking clearly again.
Some people have all the answers. I like people who have all the solutions.
Philosophy was a smart major. Nobody has gone into it for centuries.
As a Philosopher when I managed to move my mind from my head to my heart I knew I had finally found the truth.
Describing the love of God to an Atheist is like describing the beauty of blue to a man born blind.
Yesterday's tomorrow is tomorrow's yesterday.
Having a Spiritual Awakening is the next step in human evolution.
When you've had your Spiritual Awakening you pass from human to humane.
A delusion is a firmly held belief with no basis in reality - Sounds like the definition of the Rapture.
A woman who begins the day on her knees is a blessing from the Lord.
What America spends on the military in only one year would literally feed the world's poor for a century.
Some women are never satisfied and most men don't know why.
Sex is like food - Enjoy it while its hot.
Falling in love and getting married is like making love and getting pregnant.
When a girl demands a commitment I wonder if she's sane.
A year in prison costs more than a year in Princeton.
America spends more on the military each year than Russia, China, England, France, Germany and Saudi Arabia combined.
The 2nd Amendment calls for a militia of citizen soldiers to defend American soil not a military machine inflicting our will worldwide.
In America 95% of our wealth is owned by 5% of our population.
Over 50% of American children now rely on Food Stamps.
Almost half of American families are now so poor they aren't required to pay federal income taxes.
America now has the ability to end all human poverty or all human life - JFK.
The opposite of We is Me.
I believe God is love and sex is sacred.
I've never seen God but I've slept with a few Goddesses.
If God offers you eternal life be sure to ask for eternal youth as well.
Our rights come from our Creator not our Constitution.
Governments are instituted to secure our liberties not endow them.
Here a little there a little is how liberties are lost.
Socialism works. It just doesn't work very hard.
In China medical school is free but if you become a doctor you earn as much as an auto mechanic. There's an idea for healthcare reform.
For the sake of world peace we should change the name of New Jersey to New Jerusalem and give the Garden State to the Jews.
Better to agree with a fool than argue with one.
Sometimes I don't know is a very good answer but you'll never hear a Philosophy Professor say it.
I would often ask my Theology Professors questions whose only logical answer would get them fired.
If you ever feel alone and unloved rescue a pound puppy.
When I went to college I studied everything I was interested in. I never had a clue one-day I'd have to work.
I received excellent grades in college and graduated cum loudly.
Intelligent kids go to college. Smart kids get a trade.
Theologically I am primarily Pagan basically Buddhist comfortably Catholic with a hint of Hindi and a dash of AA.
The root of the word Psychology means the study of the soul yet how many Psychologists really believe we have one.
The happiest times in life are when you have nothing but freedom and friends.
A Philosopher is a person who treasures something nobody values and has the answers to questions very few people ever ask.
You don't have to go to college to be a Philosopher but you do need the ability to ponder esoterically.
Wisdom doesn't always come with old age but senility often does.
The difference between love and lust is when you marry for lust the divorce comes much sooner.
I was born in the bayous of Louisiana. Cajun Catholics learn one thing early on - Never piss off a Priestess.
God doesn't mind if you defer belief in him until after your wake.
When I die I want to go where dogs and deer go.
Don't worry about dying, you just pass from here to there, from the land of the living to the land of those you love.
If you had a bad experience with God because of religion don't blame God.
I'd love to go for my doctorate in Philosophy but only an idiot would pay a hundred grand in order to learn how to wonder a bit more esoterically.
If I had gone for my doctorate in Divinity I'd be the Messiah by now.
Only take advice from people who are happy.
Some men never grow up - Some never grow old.
Pure passion quickly cools.
In elementary school my mind wandered - In college it wondered.
Agnostic means without knowledge in Greek. The Latin word is Ignoramus. There's one for most Professors to ponder.
You don't have to believe in God to be Spiritual. Buddhism has no concept of God and few religions inspire such Spiritually
If you save the price of a pack of cigarettes and cup of coffee a day in 20 years you'll have enough to retire on.
See www.MrMoneyMustache.com and he'll show you how.
It takes very little money to live a very happy life.
It's easier to fill a cottage with love than a castle.
I'd like to live a long life but I'd rather live a happy life.
When I was in high school my Dad asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I simply said - Happy.
Idealism has a high price and mine is priceless.
I am going here and will be there soon.
Whenever I need a good meal and a little gratitude I go to a soup kitchen.
The God loves religion - That's why he made so many.
The beauty of being spiritual is that everything of value is free.
Some people find themselves others create themselves.
I believe in the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of good looking girls.
If God is love why are most religions so uptight about the subject.
I am going here and will be there soon.
If you can't find true love try settling for a little lust instead.
I believe in life after death but if it's not true I won't be disappointed.
In AA we live freely, love fully, and laugh often.
Serenity is God's gift to the Spiritual.
A Vegetarian spares over 100 animal lives a year.
I've noticed married people rarely hold hands.
Time in the chrysalis every butterfly must endure.
Getting in an fight with a Latina lover is like pissing off a piñata full of bees.
Be forgiving for harboring hatred hardens the heart.
Learning from your mistakes is smart - Learning from those of others is wise.
I was going to go to law school but I decided to be happy instead.
It is illegal for lawyers to lie in court, however, they may prevaricate, equivocate, and obfuscate all they want.
A good Church should have a soup kitchen, an AA meeting, and a poor box.
There is nothing as painfully beautiful as your first broken heart.
A guy doesn't really lose his virginity until he goes gaga over a girl.
There has never been a true success who didn't take a risk early on.
I pay my bills in the beginning of the month, save some, and enjoy the rest.
If you want good advice just ask my Dad and do the opposite.
If Americans really cared about suffering the Peace Corps would have twice the budget of the Marine Corps.
One of the reasons I like being Catholic is I can pray to Mary and since I worship women it works out well.
In the summer I like drinking with the bums by the river. They're always glad to see me and it's not just because I buy the beer.
A good career is doing something for pay you would gladly do for free.
When you love God you have had your Spiritual Awakening.
My God is a gentle, loving, spirit and the God of all good religion.
Your Spiritual Awakening is the only beginning of your Spiritual Journey. Attaining God Consciousness is the goal.
When you've attained God Consciousness you think of God as often as you breathe.
As a Philosopher people pay me to tell them the truth. Like all the great Philosophers I am poor.
True love never truly ends it just slowly fades away.
We all make bad decisions at times. Usually involving the words I do.
In life you generally get what you go for.
Religion is cultural - Truth is transcendent.
Change is a challenge but is well worth the work.
When studying religion remember, the truth has to make sense.
Love is the meaning of life for without love life has no meaning.
All life without love is life wasted
Truth is spoken from the heart.
The more loving you are the happier you will be.
In the Roman Empire Pagan Priests had to cut off their own genitalia as part of their sacred initiation rite. That's one way to deal with pedophiles in the Priesthood.
The Church has something called the Offering where they fill a basket with money and then offer it to you. I usually only take a few bucks for beer.
The Greek word for mind is mens. Men go to the mens room because that's what we generally think with.
I'm a Philosopher and I have nothing but happiness - Literally.
The one thing you can always control is your attitude.
Latinas are traditional when it comes to marriage. They want you to get their father's blessing before they begin to show.
I go to Mass on Saturday nights so I can sleep in and cuddle on Sunday mornings.
I'll bet Santa visits the naughty girls with a nice stocking stuffer.
If you're looking for God look within.
I believe in Angels and Pixies. Pixies tend to be around five feet tall and are very cute. Angels are a bit taller and have bigger mangoes.
Shukria Shakira. One day I died and woke up in a world of love. The first thing I heard was your song.
I believe in life after death but if it's not true I won't be disappointed.
Wisdom doesn't always come with old age but senility often does.
Some men get down on one knee to propose. I got up on my elbows.
True love is a gift often given to those too young to know its value.
College food was wonderful. You never get tired of cold pizza and beer for breakfast.
Mississippi didn't ratify the 13th Amendment until 2013. The 13th Amendment abolished slavery.
I try to keep the Ten Commandments the best I can. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's ass is a hard one for me.
Talking to God is called prayer. When God talks to you it's called psychosis.
Psychologists say it's important to love yourself but I think it's better with a Murphy's girl.
Science believes the world began with a Big Bang. Third World nations now have nuclear weapons so it may end that way too.
Please pray for the Santa Maria Home for Wayward Girls and remember us in your holiday giving, Father Pog Mahoney.
